Daddy Day!!!

First off, we want to wish all of the Father's out there a Happy Father's Day from the Snuggle Luv family!

I think it is wonderful that we have two days set aside each year where we honor and remember the parents who gave us life, raised us, and in many other ways contributed to the people that we are today.  Parents come in all shapes and sizes with their own strengths and weaknesses.  Each family dynamic looks different and each family functions differently, but it is wonderful that we have parents (or parent figures) who we get to celebrate on these parent holidays.

I was blessed with a wonderful father.  I read this quote recently and it reminded me exactly of my dad.



My dad is not perfect but he is perfect for me!  He is always a rock that I can lean on when times are tough and he offers the best advice.  For a long time I was single, so the man in my life was my dad.  He has taught me to be confident in my decisions and to trust in God in all things.  He taught me how to change a tire, check my oil, and not be afraid of a little home improvement from time to time.  In fact, when things need to be done around my house, it is me more than my husband who takes the initiative to fix them.  He is perfectly capable, but I usually notice them first so I just get in there and do it.  I owe that to my dad!

As a child I didn't really know my dad very well, he was a farmer and worked a lot of hours so I didn't spend much time with him.  When I was 11 he was involved in an accident that left him with a head injury and resulted in him needing to change careers which brought him home more often.  This experience also helped me see how important he was in my life.  Through this our relationship changed and my love for him grew.  As a teenager he finally became my Daddy!  As the years have passed that love has only grown and I can honestly say that he is one of the best men that I have ever met.  He is quiet and unassuming but very wise.

The other daddy in my life is my husband.  He is a more recent daddy in my world so I am still getting to know him as a daddy.  What always amazes me is his love for his children.  With three kids he can get stretched in many ways but he always takes the time to do fun things with them.  He takes his oldest son to the arcade a lot when he is visiting us, he takes our 2 year old outside and goes on walks or plays soccer, and he holds and plays with our baby (especially in the late evening hours when she only wants to play and mommy is too tired)!  And when you look at them you can see how much they all love him!  I LOVE to see the love that my 2 year old son has for his dad.  Anytime he hears anything that sounds like the garage door he gets so excited and yells "Daddy!"  If he sees someone from a distance who looks like his dad he yells "Daddy!"  Then when he actually sees his dad he just runs to him and wants to be held.  My heart melts each time!

There is just something special about a child's relationship with their father.  This video makes me cry every time I see it!

What is your favorite thing about Father's Day???

Discipline-Navigating this world of crazy little humans (AND A GIVEAWAY)

Pretty much everyday when I go onto Facebook I see a post or a link or a meme about toddlers. Maybe I notice them more because I have a 2 year old. Or maybe it is just because it seems like toddlers are the cutest yet most volatile group of humans that exist (maybe that is a slight exaggeration, but only slight)! Anybody who has been around a toddler for more than 5 minutes knows that in just a moment they can go from being cute and spouting off all the wonderful things they know like counting, people's names, or that one word that they never say right (for my son it is "soup" but he pronounces it "poop", I die every time) to, all the sudden, acting like WWIII has begun and they are the monster who is setting out to destroy the world. In all actuality, they just might be. I can't read their minds so maybe that IS their ultimate goal. But that is a topic for another day. As a parent or a caregiver of one of these creatures, what in the world do you do when that monster replaces your beautiful baby (or your precocious 5 year old or your handsome 8 year old with the funny looking teeth because half are baby and half are grown-up teeth)!?!  Speaking of those beautiful babies, you would never imagine that cute kid up above ever throws tantrums!!  Yet if you closely enough, you can see the mischief in his eyes!  :)

Disclaimer #1: I, for sure, do not have all of the answers and I am positive that there will be more blog posts about this topic as I learn more, but I would like to share some of the things that I have learned in recent months from much smarter people than me. I will also share with you one of my recent finds that has been amazing.

Disclaimer #2: Each child is very different so no two children will respond the same way to the same things. Please always listen to your inner mommy voice and if something doesn't feel right to you or doesn't work for you, then it is perfectly fine not to do it, even if it seems like everybody else is doing it and it is working for them. Unfortunately children do not come with a manual, so most of parenting is trial and error!

First of all, I saw this picture on Facebook recently. I love it and recommend that you start with this for understanding your child.

For me, I realized that my son falls into the physical touch category. He has always liked to sleep with someone nearby and will even reach out in his sleep to see if there is someone there (and if there isn't he usually ends up coming to get one of us). When he wakes up from a nap he likes to snuggle for a little while before he is ready to play. He just loves and craves physical touch.

Before I had children, I had always told myself that I would never spank and I would find other ways to discipline, but after I had my second child I found myself increasingly losing patience and occasionally resorting to spanking, but each time I did that he acted out more. I was completely at a loss. Looking at this chart, it makes sense. What he really wants is physical touch that is soft and kind. So I have started implementing hugging and holding. Now when he acts out or throws a tantrum, I try to bend down to his level or pick him up and just hug him. Most of the time it works, but sometimes it doesn't. That is actually disclaimer #3: don't expect anything to work 100% of the time. Remember, these creatures are irrational and volatile!  :) But more often than not, responding with positive touch is likely to diffuse most children. Here is another good article about this idea: http://familyshare.com/parenting/one-simple-way-to-deflect-your-childs-tantrums?Bentley

Now onto my recent find that I want to share. On a Facebook group that I belong to a fellow mom asked for advice on how to deal with her 3 year old that was exceptionally challenging to discipline. I immediately perked up when I saw that and started reading the responses. That is where I found out about a book called: Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey (in fact, I love it so much that I want to send a free copy to one of our readers, details below).

In this book Dr. Bailey's main point is that discipline should involve teaching and we cannot teach something we do not know. She also believes that disciple is all about self-control. What we really want from our children is for them to control their actions and words and follow guidance and direction, basically to have self-control. Yet as adults, we are usually sadly lacking a lot of self-control. Look at your most recent encounter with your children when they were acting out. Did you find yourself yelling, using physical punishment, or even doing what you are telling them not to do? She uses the example of a mother telling one child to not take toys from another child, as she is taking the toy from them both. What kind of message is that sending to our children? One of "do as I say not as I do".

So the first step is to learn self-control for ourselves. It is all about taking time when you are in the moment to stop and take a deep breath and think about the outcomes that you want and focus on that. If you are only focusing on what you DON'T want the child to do then you will end up with negative actions more often than not, but if you focus on what you want them to do, then they are more likely to do that.  For instance, if I want my son to stop hitting me or his sister, instead of saying "Don't hit me" I say "please come hold my hand" or "let me show you how to touch sister gently". This takes away the action that I don't want and replaces it with something that I do want. This also removes the "discipline" and instead turns it into a teaching moment. It is important to remember that children are sponges just waiting to absorb information so as a parent it is essential that we give them good information to absorb.

This is a good time to share something else that seems to help my son calm down (and me). I have found that deep breathing helps both of us come out of the moment and refocus on the good. This is my process:  I take his hands, close my eyes, ask him to close his and we take three deep breaths together. This helps us both to calm down and my son usually starts laughing because he sees it as me blowing into his face!  :) Hey, whatever works!

The last thing I want to touch on, in this blog post, is the idea that Dr. Bailey presents, that we often use fear as a form of discipline. This was a new thought for me but it really makes sense. If you think about the things that you say to your children or do when you discipline them you will probably notice some of this too. Even something as simple as timeout is fear based. It shows children that they are left alone with their feelings. I have to say that after reading this part of the book I felt like it was hopeless and anything that I did was just going to ruin my children, but as I continued to read I began to understand what she is suggesting. She isn't saying that discipline is bad, just that punishments often do get us the desired outcome. Sure, your child may start to obey and may stop doing an action, but more often than not it isn't because they want to or because they understand why they should stop, it is because they fear the punishments. However, if we take the time, we can teach them WHY they should change their behavior and help them learn to control their actions so as teenagers and adults they will have this wonderful skill.  Now this is not an overnight change for both you and your child, but consistency is key and eventually, together, you will figure out a system that works for you.  Also it is important to tailor the discipline to the age.  To expect a 2 year old to understand things on the same level as a 7 year old is just asking for added frustration, so make sure you keep in mind their ability to process what you are teaching them.

Disclaimer #4: For discipline to be effective, it will require time and effort. Punishments are relatively easy because you just dole out the punishment and then go on with things until the next time they act out. However, if you desire to try these different ways of disciplining it will take time to teach your child. You will also have to teach them the same lessons over and over again. Remember, you are teaching little humans that are not very good at adapting lessons from one instance to another. They see you saying "Don't touch the baby!" as meaning right now, it doesn't apply to when they want to touch the baby in 5 minutes!  :)

As a bonus, I want to direct you to an article I just read this morning that I really found enlightening.  http://happinessishereblog.com/2015/02/punishment-vs-natural-consequences/  She sums up this discussion nicely by stating that teaching a child using natural consequences is much more effective than trying to teach them using punishments that really have nothing to do with the action!

SO bottom line, discipline is an essential, necessary, and not always enjoyable part of parenting, but as long as we dedicate the time and energy needed, it will not only benefit our children and us now, but it will teach them many wonderful life skills.  Good luck and schedule a pedicure to reward yourself for starting this process!  xoxo

GIVEAWAY
Now that you have made it through my thoughts, I want to give you all a chance to win a copy of Dr. Bailey's book.  All you have to do is comment below with a topic that you would like to see us talk about on the blog and you are entered!  Check back here next Friday for the announcement of the winner.

Don't forget to check us out on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/snuggleluv?fref=ts and Instagram:  @snuggleluvcom

Travel Tips for Traveling with Children

Traveling with Children (how to make it not a nightmare)

This is on my mind right now because we are planning to go out of town for the long weekend. I have a 4 mo old and a 2 year old so I am already gearing myself up for the trip ahead. :) Being still fairly new to this whole motherhood thing I have been scouring the internet for tips and tricks to make our traveling easier and (gasp) actually fun! So here is my list of things that will help you have a stress-less vacation (let's be honest, traveling with children will never be stress-free)!

1)  Safety:

Whether traveling by plane or car, safety should always be your first priority. You want to make sure that you know how you are getting from Point A to Point B. This includes making sure your car seats are in working order (or that you have a car seat waiting at your destination if you are flying). Not only do most states have laws regarding car seat usage, it is always safest to buckle up! Make sure that your car seat is installed properly. You can find a free inspection station by going to https://ssl06.cyzap.net/dzapps/dbzap.bin/apps/assess/webmembers/tool?pToolCode=TAB9&pCategory1=TAB9_CERTSEARCH&Webid=SAFEKIDSCERTSQL

Pack all medicines (even those that you don't use often). My son has multiple allergies, so we have to make sure that we have not only his epi pen in case of emergencies, but also his benadryl and his zyrtec just in case of a minor breakout.

2)  Plan Ahead:

I don't know about you, but after having a couple of kids (or at least now I can blame it on the kids) my memory is not what it used to be. It is good to create a list at least a couple of days beforehand. This can include what you need to pack, but also what you need to do before the packing even begins, such as laundry, shopping for snacks for the trip, getting prescriptions filled, etc. For an awesome compilation of packing lists, check out this website: http://travelmamas.com/packing-lists/

For packing purposes, it is good to pack outfits into ziplock bags, this way you can just grab a bag each day (or multiple times a day) and you already have a shirt, pants, socks and any accessories. It is also good to put a few ziplock bags or plastic grocery store bags into the diaper bag so you have them for dirty clothes, dirty diapers, a trash bag for wrappers in the car, etc.

3)  Actual Travel:

It doesn't matter how you are traveling, it is important to have activities planned for your children. When we were growing up we mostly took road trips and without DVD players or iPads we played road games like the Alphabet Game (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alphabet_Game), sang songs, or we read. I still like these ideas but parents today have even more options. 

If you do have a DVD player, whether in the car or a portable one, make sure that you have movies that your child likes, but also try to have one or two that they haven't seen before for those times that they need something new. If you have a tablet it is good to download child or toddler-friendly apps. Once again, making sure you have the favorite apps on there but also try to download a few new ones.

Snacks are a must. Try to pack snacks that aren't too sugary (however, keeping a few treats on hand are a very good idea to give your child something fun to look forward to, aka bribe them with). This way, your child will still be likely to nap if you are traveling during nap time, and they won't be wired when you get to your destination. I feel like a broken record, but snacks are again a time that you want to pack not only the things that your child likes, but also a few new snacks to introduce. As you are probably very aware, children like new and shiny things and by presenting them with these at strategic points in your travels you just may be able to stave off a meltdown!

4)  Reaching Your Destination:

Sleep is one of the first things that you want to address when you get to your destination. If you are traveling with an infant, then it is a good idea to pack a portable crib (we are taking our sleep-n-play on this road trip), or make sure that you book one ahead of time if you are staying in a hotel. If you can't transport one from home, at least try to take some of your child's bedding (favorite blanket, stuffed animal, pillow, etc.). This will help you to recreate some of their same sleeping arrangements and will help them feel more comfortable. Also try to keep the same sleep routines while you are on your trip. Even if you have later evenings or earlier mornings, still try to stick to their schedule as much as possible. 

Have back up plans in place. Even if you check the weather each day before your trip, Mother Nature doesn't care and can change things up on you at any moment. So have alternative activities in case the weather doesn't cooperate with your original plan. If you want to have some adult only time or if you want to do something that you don't think the kids will enjoy, then plan for a babysitter or if you are traveling with other adults, take turns having child-free time. It is important to remember though, that if you are traveling with children, this is also their vacation, so don't try to have them conform to your vacation ideas, make sure you are providing activities that they will enjoy also.

Most importantly, have fun! Attitude is everything when going on a family vacation, so if you tell yourself that you are going to enjoy it all, then you will be able to better deal with the not-so-fun times! Have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend and safe travels!

What other advice do you have for those who are traveling with kids???

Tribute to Motherhood

Abraham Lincoln described his mother this way:  "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."

Each time I read this quote I am reminded of all the mothers in my life. There is my mother, my mother-in-law, my grandmothers, my aunts, my surrogate mothers, my friends, and the list could go on and on. Each of us is touched by the hand of a woman who can be described as an "angel mother". Here at Snuggle Luv we want to pay tribute to all the angel mothers out there. We know that each mother is unique and their experiences are all unique, however, they all have one thing in common, they have people who love and honor them! 

We will be starting a feature on our blog called "Mommy Mondays".  Each Monday we will feature a guest blogger who will talk about Motherhood. Very broad topic but we hope by reading about these mothers it will help to give you a boost to your Monday and inspire you and let you know that maybe you aren't alone in this mommy universe.

Because I am the writer of this blog I felt that it was only appropriate that I started this off. 

My motherhood journey began a long time ago. I am only 34 but from a very young age I loved children. I remember being just 6 or 7 and I would go to a neighbors apartment and watch her children while she cleaned her house. I felt so special!  That was just the beginning of my babysitting days. As a pre-teen and teenager, I spent many summers and evenings/weekends babysitting.  Some jobs were easier than others but I found that I enjoyed them all. 

I knew from an early age that I wanted to be a mother. However, as I got older and older I started to wonder if that would ever happen for me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the children in my life. Especially my nephews (I didn't have any nieces at the time) and my friends' children. But I still wanted a baby that knew that I was its mother and wanted ME to kiss the boo boos away!

A little over four years ago I met a wonderful man who was the perfect-for-me guy and we decided to get married. On our wedding day I became an instant mom because he had a 6 year old son. I love that little boy (although he is almost as tall as me so he isn't very little anymore) and thankfully he loves me. Then about six months later I found out I was pregnant. I loved the bond that I felt with my baby instantly. His birth was crazy and traumatic (that is a story for another time) and for the first night we only got to see each other for a few minutes, so I didn't even feel like I had a baby (except for the pain from my c-section). But the next day began our journey together. I had no idea what I was doing so we just fumbled through everything, but we started to learn about one another and that process is still continuing today. Then a little over two years later I had our second baby (she is only 4 months old). This pregnancy was not as enjoyable but the delivery was much better (yea for scheduled c-sections) and we started bonding immediately. She is a joyful baby and everybody who meets her loves her! I love being the mother to my children, I love waking up each morning and seeing their smiling faces (well the 2-year old has his days but the baby still smiles at me each morning). :)

Even with the joy they bring me though, I realize that motherhood is hard! There are days that I want a break, I don't always want to be the mother, sometimes I want to go back to just being the aunt that can then go home, take a bath, and read a good book. Then I start to feel guilty for those thoughts and tell myself that this is what I have wanted my whole life. Have you ever felt this mommy guilt?? Well I had an insight recently. I realized that part of my struggle is that I have in my head an idea of what a mom should and shouldn't be. I have been trying to make myself fit into a box that just won't ever fit because there is no such thing as a perfect mom. We are all just mothers trying to live the best that we can and do the best that we can. Each day we have the struggle and the opportunity to raise our children. Some days that raising consists of getting up, eating some food, taking a nap (hopefully all the kids at the same time so you can too), eating some more and then going to bed. Other days we are able to do a little more. Neither one of those days is right or wrong, they just are. And you know what? They are both wonderful, because the thing that we need to remember is that "Motherhood is a wonderful, rewarding, messy, noisy and sometimes crazy ride. But it is all worth it."-Author Unknown

Love,
Alecia